Synchroblog: How do you pray?

This is my take on a synchroblog proposed by Erin from Decompressing Faith.

First off, let me say this: I am not going to tell anyone how they should pray. Jesus did a better job of that than I ever would in any case. The word “should” can easily be used to browbeat believers into feeling that what they already do is inadequate, so I'll try to avoid it if I can. Instead, I'll just outline my own beliefs and practices regarding prayer. This is what works for me.

I believe that in its purest form prayer is a conversation between us and God, even though at times that conversation may feel more like a monologue. As such, it's difficult to say that we should do it at certain times or in a particular way. What do I mean? Well, let me compare talking with God to talking with my wife. There are times when my wife and I usually talk together, such as when we get home from work or at the dinner table. It's good to talk at these times, and it's an important part of our relationship. However, it's not religiously set in stone that we must talk at those particular times, nor is it the case that we don't talk at other times. Sometimes we have long, in-depth conversations about important issues, sometimes I might say a quick, “I love you” as I rush off to do something, sometimes we might share a joke or discuss what we're going to watch on TV. Sometimes I apologise to her for something I've done wrong, and sometimes I make her laugh. We might chat about what we've both been doing in work, when we're going to visit my mother, what the dog and ferrets have been up to, or pretty much anything else. Why should conversation with God be any less natural, or any less varied in mood, content and tone?

Of course, there have been times when I have spoken to my wife in a more formal way. For example, I distinctly remember saying something to her a few years back that began with, “I, Barry John, take you, Samantha Helen, to be my wife...” That wedding vow was not written by me, nor made up on the spot. It came from a service book, it's been said by many people before and since, but to me it was one of the most profound and life-changing things I have ever said to anyone.

Imagine me talking to my wife like this: “Dear loving wife Sam, I just really, Sam, want to ask you to just make me a cup of tea, for you are the great maker of tea, O Sam. Sam, I just really appreciate the cups of tea that you, Sam, bless me with. I just pray that you, Sam, will just boil the kettle in a mighty way. I just really want to see you making tea, for you are awesome in tea-making, O Sam. Move among us now with cups and teabags. O Sam, I pray that you will richly bless me with a cup of hot, refreshing tea to bring succour to my parched body ...”

Ridiculous, isn't it? But that's how we talk to God sometimes. It would make more sense for me just to say, “Any chance of a cup of tea, love?” (Or, of course, I could get off my backside and make it myself, and offer her a cup as well.) There's no need to use clichés or “special” language; my wife wouldn't be particularly impressed by that, and she understands me fine when I talk to her normally. I believe God is the same.

It can be good to speak to God at particular times; some people go further and commit to saying daily office (i.e. liturgical prayers said at specific times each day). I've done so myself for set periods, such as Lent, and I found it a rewarding spiritual discipline. I still use liturgical prayers, notably those of the Northumbria Community and the Church of England, though not exclusively nor every day. I also use Jewish liturgical prayers occasionally. I just found out about the Missio Dei Breviary (thanks to Makeesha at Swinging From the Vine) and I may well give some of those prayers a go in the near future. Some Christians, particularly in the EPC (Evangelical/Pentecostal/Charismatic) branch of the church with which I am most familiar, deride liturgy as soulless, as dead letters on a page, as something that can be said without really being meant – but that can be true of any form of prayer. I've discovered that the words used in liturgical prayers can be beautiful and artistic in themselves, which is surely pleasing to God. A lot of thought has gone into them, and like my wedding vows they can be packed with meaning and relevance when I say them. (There's further discussion of liturgical prayer resources and the Divine Hours on Jason Clark's blog.)

Then at other times, It can be good to speak to God in a simple, conversational way. This doesn't have to be a long monologue. I regularly talk to God in the car on my way to work, or when I am out for a walk with my dog in the evening. As I speak two languages I might pray in either, or even both, of them; God understands us whatever language we use. I might be talking with him about my wife, my current theological reflections, issues at work, how beautiful the trees are or how much the dog seems to be enjoying himself. What's more, I believe that all these things are important to God, perhaps especially because they are important to me and God loves me.

In the end, isn't that what prayer is all about? Whatever form our prayers take, it boils down to this: God loves us. (Or, to quote Adrian Plass: “God is nice and he likes me.”) The feeling is mutual. Prayer at its best is simply the verbal expression of a loving relationship. Whatever way my wife and I talk to each other, whether happily, angrily, sadly, intimately or excitedly, it's all rooted in our love for each other. I don't care what anyone else thinks, because what I'm saying is intended for my wife, not other people. I'm sure it's the same with God.

Please visit these other "How Do You Pray" Synchroblog participants.

Cindy Bryan Teach Me to Pray...Again?
Lyn Hallewell God, Prayer and Me
Erin Word Prayer=Sex with God
Rick Meigs Prayer Helps that Get Me Deeper
Alan Knox Pray without Ceasing
Julie Clawson Prayer Synchroblog
Heather Synchroblog Prayer
Alex (Heather's Husband) Prayer Synchroblog II
Lydia How Do You Pray
Che Vachon My Thoughts...
Paul Mayers Praying and Learning to Pray Again
Sonja Andrews The Appearance of Holiness
Jon Peres How Do I Pray?
Paul Walker One Congregation Experiments with Emerging Prayer
Susan Barnes Synchroblog: How Do You Pray?
Brother Maynard Fear Not the Silence
Nate Peres How Do I Pray?
Barry Taylor Synchroblog:How Do You Pray?
Emerging Grace Clearance Sale on Intercession Books
Jim Lehmer Synchroblog - How Do You Pray?
Lew A How Do You Pray? - Synchroblog
Jon Hallewell When I'm Spoken To
Deb Prayer Synchroblog
Barb Prayer without Throwing Things
Patti Blount How Do I Pray
Doug Jones How I Pray
Glenn Hagar Prayer Phases
Pam Hogeweide The Art of Blue Tape Spirituality
Mary How Do I Pray?
Rhonda Mitchell Prayer SynchroBlog
John Smulo Praying Naturally
Rachel Warwick How Do You Pray?
Barbara Legere How to Not Pray
Jonathan Brink Posture - Sitting With My Daddy
Andy How Do I Pray
Cynthia Clack How Do I Pray
Makeesha Fisher The Mystery of Prayer
Joy Synchroblog:Prayer